In Director Chad Stahelski’s John Wick: Chapter 4, Keanu Reeves’s John Wick confides in his best friend and mentor Koji Shimazu, played by Hiroyuki Sanada. In Chapter 4, John and Koji are retired assassins who left that life behind to be with the great love of their lives. Koji’s great love is his daughter Akira. John’s great love was his late wife, Helen.
Koji says, “I want you to find your peace. But a good death only comes after a good life.”
John replies, “You and I left a good life behind a long time ago, my friend.”
What is a good life? In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Third Noble Truth is the end of suffering. Perhaps, that is a good death. I really don’t know. The Fourth Noble Truth is the path to end suffering. Maybe, finding one’s path to end suffering is a good life. Just saying.
The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism is the source of suffering. My abusive childhood was my source of suffering. When I was a little boy, Dad terrified me to my very soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made Dad so angry at me. Clearly, I was not the son that he wanted. That made me so very sad.
Instead of being sad, I got angry. I got angry at Mom, because getting angry at Dad would only end badly. Getting mad at Mom, giving her such a bad time was my greatest regret in life. I was too young to get that Mom always had my back. When Dad scared the hell out of me, Mom said, “Slow down, Jonny.” She was telling me to calm my soul, that things have a way of working out. As I grew older, I eventually got that Mom only had unconditional love for me. I had the same for her.
Growing up, I got that I would never be good enough for Dad, that I would never be good enough for anyone. Period. Consequently, I spent most of my adult life proving that I was strong enough, that I was smart enough, and that was I was good enough to be loved. Yet, being more of anything would never be enough. That’s just life.
There’s truth in accepting what I had. Dad was my Dad. Still, to be the greater man, to become the man that I wanted to be, I had to find someone else to guide me. Just saying.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years. Sensei became the father who taught me what it is to be a good man, be a good person, and make a difference for others which is a good life. Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I was free to succeed, free to fail, and grow from both. I was free for the first time in my life.
Mizukami Sensei taught both Ishibashi Sensei and me before he passed away. He was the father to both of us. Now, Ishibashi Sensei is my Sensei, my big brother. Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release our fear.” Sensei instructs, “Apply the (Aikido) technique to yourself.” It’s me against me. I’m always my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. Sensei says, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.”
The 250-pound man comes to punch me. I enter the attack and die with honor. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Take a glancing blow if you have to. It’s one time. You’re not always going to get away scot-free.” I take a glancing blow in the attack and in life for what’s meaningful to me. I invite the attack, I don’t oppose the attack. I match the attack in my attack. If I defend, I can be defeated. I bring the attack to my center. In the center of the attack, I choose who I am and what I do.
I enter the attack, enter what I fear, and I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside may never completely disappear, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside. I free me. Perhaps, the possibility of a good life. Just saying.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. Again, I just train. I enter my fear that I’m not good enough, the fear I got from Dad. Dad got that fear from his Dad. The legacy of abusive fathers. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Maybe, the possibility of a good life, too.
On life’s journey, I’ve been of service making a difference for others in some way, on some scale. The late Mizukami Sensei studied the Samurai. In Japanese, samurai means to serve. That was Sensei, who lived a life of devoted service. Sensei said, “Take a glancing blow if you have to. It’s one time.” That is Bushido – the Way of the Samurai.
All that the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei taught me, I pass on to others. As Sensei, I help guide students to invent greater-than versions of themselves, which is what Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei have done for me over the years. On The Good Men Project, along with my Editor Li M Blacker, I write about loving and forgiving thine own self to find one’s path to end suffering; have a good life.
On the path, I just train. I work on myself, not on others. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I lighten the fuck up. I have mad compassion for others and myself. I have a good life.
As for a good death? Honestly, I really don’t know. Only God knows whether I go to Heaven or not when I die. I have a meaningful life. I make a difference and contribute to others as best I can. I love and forgive me. I have a good life. I’m thankful. Just saying.
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