• • Life is slower; people are less distracted, more isolated, and lonelier.
  • For men, it represents an opportunity to connect more with their unique needs. The pandemic has the power to change people for the better, one act of self-compassion at a time.

The pandemic has led to a different lifestyle and new norms for people across cultures, genders, and nations. For men, the slower pace of quarantine has led them to consider their self-care needs more carefully, especially how to meet needs with less group activities – or activities altogether. The benefits of prioritizing self-care include men starting to see the lived benefits of self-compassion. Being attuned to one’s own needs, instead of prioritizing work and/or others is at the heart of self-compassion, and leads to decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Let’s look at what self-compassion is, and how it’s changing society during a global virus.

Self-Compassion:

• • • Mindful awareness: pay attention to this moment with balanced, open, awareness. Use meditation, yoga, hiking/running/walking to stimulate mindfulness. Stay focused on the ‘here & now.’
    • Self-Kindness: prioritize yourself. Yes, it’s ok to think of your own needs before those of others. It’s like when the cabin of an airplane de-pressurizes and oxygen masks fall from above, the instructions are to put on your own mask before helping others. Apply this same strategy to other areas of your life – not just airplanes.
      • Be nice to yourself. Stop any internal negative self-talk immediately. It’s a bad habit; just stop it! (I know easier said than done; but you can do it!
    • Shared humanity & Interconnectedness: All people everywhere are interconnected. What you do affects me; and what I do affects you, even if we never know one another.
      • Remember you belong to an interconnected web of people. Just like the internet connects people through an interactive web, well our brains are also interactive webs that react to the brains of other people. When you practice being nice to yourself, it re-wires the brain for joy and happiness. The brain generates electromagnetic frequencies that are felt by other people through mirror neurons. Being nice to yourself creates more nice people around you.
    • The willingness to act to relieve suffering: Be willing to take action to make your life better. Your willingness to act is worth way more than the result. Even if you don’t see instant improvement from the actions you take to make your own life better, keep trying to find effective ways. Your effort is partly how you get to higher states of consciousness and joy.

Research suggests that self-compassion is associated with decreased mental health symptoms and increased well-being and fulfillment in life. The pandemic took away many avenues people had for being joyful. Now, the task ahead of us is to see if we are willing to find the joyfulness, the worthiness, and the goodness that resides in each of us.

In the lonelier more isolated pandemic times, being your own best friend means tapping into what you need and want and giving it to yourself. Remember, being nice to yourself doesn’t mean indulging in maladaptive behaviors, like: sex, drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, and other compulsions. It means finding balance around things that bring you joy and allowing them into your life more and more.

In the time of pandemic quarantine and working from home, increased screen time may be contributing to increased lethargy, apathy, and fatigue. Low energy may mean one needs to move their bodies just a little more – as in short walks around the block or something longer, if that’s your thing… Low energy may also result from difficulty holding optimism and planning for the future. For young people, this is especially challenging.

Ultimately, the pandemic has changed society dramatically. For many, it’s forcing us to look deep within for the first time. If you’re looking at yourself more these days than ever before, may you do it with peace and ease. May you find loving acceptance for yourself, in every moment.

And may the pandemic remind you, always, of the commitment you made to be self-compassionate. It changes you. It changes everyone.

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